


We loved with a love that was more than love

by savvyliterate



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M, Spoilers, post-Time of the Doctor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-25
Updated: 2013-12-25
Packaged: 2018-01-06 03:53:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1102097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/savvyliterate/pseuds/savvyliterate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If he admitted to River that she was centuries dead, that he was in the middle of regenerating, she’d drop everything and seek him out. It didn’t happen this way. He couldn’t change her life, not one single line. He knew that now, understood why. - MAJOR SPOILERS FOR "THE TIME OF THE DOCTOR."</p><p>The title comes from "Annabel Lee" by Edgar Allen Poe.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We loved with a love that was more than love

**Author's Note:**

> This contains major, major spoilers for "The Time of the Doctor." If you haven't seen the episode yet, then run the other way until you have. After that, you might enjoy this filler fic.

It was becoming more apparent the longer he lived on Trenzalore. It was becoming all so clear what he needed to do. Oh, fate, how ironic it could be.

About 128 years into his stay in Christmas, the Doctor ignored the creaking of his joints and checked a calendar.

“Ah, here we are! The 47th day of Rexlana, which if I run it through these sets of calculations … makes it 22 April 2011 on Earth. Good day on Earth, one best day there ever was, Handles. Want to know why?” When the modified Cyberman head didn’t respond, the Doctor chuckled and hefted the stone he painstakingly carved. “Today’s my wedding day.”

He slowly hefted the stone into a cart and rolled it out into the meadows surrounding the town. He waved off offers of help, hearts warmed by the thought. Christmas was the closest thing he’d had to a home since the centuries he had his Ponds. Clara was his impossible girl, his dear friend, but she wasn’t Amy. She wasn’t Rory. She wasn’t River.

It didn’t look the same, because it hadn’t happened yet. He was going to try to keep it from happening, as long as he could. But, he couldn’t stop the sheer passage of time nor the fact that it was the very last of his long lives. He refused to admit it after initially regenerating. His face was younger than it’d ever been, and there was so much life left to experience. How ironic that this face would have so much in common with his first life – right down to the wife and family.

The Doctor tugged the stone off the cart and pushed it upright. He checked his pocketwatch with one hand while swiping the sweat off his brow with the other. “Still got time yet.” He tucked the watch away and began gathering wildflowers from the perimeter.

As the sun started to dip below the horizon, he approached the stone and gently laid the impromptu bouquet in front of it. He checked his watch once more and nodded, satisfied. “Well, then. I said once they wouldn’t bury my wife out here, and I was right. I’m the one to bury you here. Except, no body. Sorry about that, my dear. You were never one for funerals anyhow. Wanted to go out fighting, yes, I remember you saying that. I suppose if you had to lay there in some fancy wooden box with copious amounts of flowers and weeping that you’d probably shoot us all from beyond the grave.”

He lowered himself gingerly to the ground in front of the stone. “Of course, there’s the glass-sided coffins, but you hated those even more. I wish I knew then what I knew now. I should have done this in New York. You deserved to be with your parents. You’re stuck with me now. ‘Cause we’re in this truth field still, I can admit I’m glad about it. Got no choice but to admit it, really. Well.” He slowly got to his feet and approached the stone. He bent, pressed his lips to it. “I’ll be back next year. Happy anniversary, River.”

\-----

He didn’t have long. He moved easier than he had in years, and he knew it wouldn’t be long before he regenerated. As soon as he got into the TARDIS and was surrounded by her warmth, time slowed. She’d done this once before, and he tut-tutted as he stripped off his clothes. The TARDIS was giving him time to say good-bye. He left the old, tattered clothing piece by piece as he bounded for the stairs. He scooped his preferred outfit out of the wardrobe, checking the fit of the tweed, the angle of the bow tie. Would his new self like bow ties?

The Doctor swept into the kitchen, yanking out bowls and boxes. Something was ringing, and grabbing fish fingers from the microwave and dumping them into the bowl of custard, he scurried back to the console room. The phone on the console rang, and the Doctor arched an eyebrow. “Finally routed it back now, did you?” he said and scooped it up. “Hello, the TARDIS!”

“Hello, sweetie!” River’s voice, warm and cheerful and _alive_ , nearly had him dropping the bowl. “And just where are you?”

“River …” The Doctor carefully set the bowl on the console.

“Amy’s been looking everywhere for you. She said you’d just popped out for a couple of seconds, but I know you. You went gift-hunting. How many weeks has it been?”

Legs weak, the Doctor propped himself against the console. “I’ve been busy, dear,” he admitted, then breathed a sigh of relief. The truth field didn’t affect him in the TARDIS. If he admitted to River that she was centuries dead, that he was in the middle of regenerating, she’d drop everything and seek him out. It didn’t happen this way. He couldn’t change her life, not one single line. He knew that now, understood why. He frantically tried to place the call. He pushed aside the custard bowl and keyed in the data, traced the call, yanked down the monitor to check the data.

_Time: 25 December 2016. Location: London, United Kingdom_

OK. OK, he knew this Christmas. A couple years after he reunited with the Ponds. Very nice Christmas, absolutely lovely pudding made by Rory. In River’s timeline, she was not far from being pardoned from Stormcage. He _had_ gone out for gifts, not realizing it was Christmas when he first arrived. He returned with armloads of presents for all three of his Ponds. Amy and Rory had been clueless, but River just kept shooting him the oddest looks during the evening. This was why. The call had been routed to the TARDIS now. Oh, his clever girl.

“Look, I’ll be there soon,” he said, suppressing the urge to tell her everything. No, he wanted to hold onto her the way that she was, just a few moments longer. Willing his body to hang on just a bit longer. “Got wonderful presents for the three of you! My Ponds. All three of my Ponds. Tell me something, River.”

“Yes?”

“Are you happy? With your life? Are you happy with how your life turned out?”

“What sort of question is that?” He heard her confusion, and it made him smile. “Of course I’m happy. Doctor, what are you on about?”

“It’s important,” he insisted. “It’s important to me to know that you’re happy. I know you’re in jail for me. I know all about your childhood. I’m sorry, River. I’m so sorry. I did cause it after all, and you were the price I paid to save all those people.”

“Doctor?” The confusion had skated into full-blown worry, and the Doctor smacked himself in the forehead. Well, great, now she was going to go looking for him. “Sweetie, where are you? Are you in trouble?”

“No, dear, I’m going to be fine. Good old Doctor, right as rain! Hey, look at me!” He spun around and instantly regretted it. “Don’t leave. You’ll just make Amy worry, and she shouldn’t worry. It’s Christmas!”

“Fine, I’ll be the one to worry. Doctor, what happened?”

“You’ll figure it out soon enough,” he said softly. “You always know. My River.”

He willed the scene back into his mind, remembered walking in the door with presents. Remembered seeing River pale-faced, eyes slightly red. Like she’d ducked into the loo at one point and had a good cry, then buried the pain because she always did that. He wandered with the phone close to the door, closer to the remains of the truth shield. It was enough. He placed his hand on the door and closed his eyes, felt the tendrils of the shield ghost around him. “I love you. Good-bye, River.” He disconnected the call before she could respond.

He moved back to the console and replaced the receiver. He picked up his screwdriver. “Clara will be back any minute now,” he acknowledged and pressed the end of the sonic to his forehead. Regeneration energy sparkled around it as he focused on the sonic, then he plugged it into the console. “There,” he said and patted the time rotor. “You know what to do with that data, old girl.” He stroked his fingers along his bow tie as he heard Clara outside.

\-----

The first thing he felt when he came to was the sharp sting of the slap against his cheek. He opened his eyes, and his vision was suddenly filled with a riot of blonde curls and tear-filled green eyes as his wife pressed her lips to his. He flailed a bit, caught off-balance for about three seconds before he returned the kiss. He buried his hands in her hair, and she backed him into some sort of solid surface that felt like tree bark as she deepened the kiss. Really, for the first time he’s kissed his wife in centuries, it ranked pretty high on the scale of incredible knock-your-bow tie-off River kisses.

“You’re such an idiot,” River rasped when she pulled back for breath, and he realized she had indeed pushed him against a tree.

“Got it in one,” the Doctor admitted and swiped his thumb over her cheek. He took in the cream silk outfit she wore, the same she’d worn during his first visit to Trenzalore. “How long has it been for you?”

“Since I left the conference call? About 30 minutes. Long enough for me to finish putting all the pieces together. About that grave on Trenzalore, and what you told me all those years ago when I called the TARDIS from my parents’. I knew you were regenerating.”

“See? Knew you’d put it together.” He tapped her nose.

“It wasn’t that difficult! I just never knew when. When I was around your next regeneration-”

“Really?" His eyes lit up.

River rolled hers. “Yes. _Really_. You never acknowledged it. _Never_.”

“I don’t know why I didn’t. Crazy old Doctor.”

“More like crazy Scottish Doctor.”

He perked up. “The next me is Scottish? Spent too many years around all you Ponds. Always knew your mother was a bad influence on me.”

River shook her head. “You knew the entire time, didn’t you? You knew you were going to upload a copy of yourself to the Library.”

The Doctor took in his location fully. They were outside, in a flower-filled meadow similar to the one he’d erected River’s grave at on Trenzalore. In the distance, he spotted several children and the members of River’s team having a picnic. He smiled when he spotted Charlotte. She waved at him, and he waved back, wrapping an arm around River’s waist. “Spoilers,” he teased, and River nudged his side.

Instead of wandering to the picnic, he took the extra moments to fully appreciate his wife. His psychopath, the one he married, the one who kept him alive so he had a chance to start over.  “One more spoiler,” he said. “You’ll like this one. I made a copy of my memories, stopping just after that phone call that got rerouted to the TARDIS.  I also had a couple more data impressions. Kept them on file until I needed them. I wasn’t the only one I uploaded, River Song.”

He steered her around just as Amy and Rory, hand in hand, stepped around the corner.

“Right, so we went to bed after we left Mercy, and now we’re in a really strange field,” Rory was saying as Amy poked at the flora. “Not the strangest adventure we’ve gone on with the Doctor, but would love to know what the hell’s going on.”

“There you are!” Amy broke away from Rory and crossed over to the Doctor and River. She quirked an eyebrow at the Doctor’s grin and River’s tear-filled eyes. “Doctor, have you done something to River again?” She punched his arm.

“Ow! Pond! First time I see you in years, and you punch me!” The Doctor pointed at River, then at Amy. “Definitely related! Don’t know how I went so long not seeing it. Scottish, the pair of you!”

“Years? We just went to bed a few hours ago. Doctor, what sort of date did you take River on this time? Hey!” Amy yelped as the Doctor swept her into a hug. He pressed his nose into her hair and then kissed her forehead. “Sorry,” he called to Rory. “I’ll ask next time.”

“Raggedy Man, you’re acting odder than normal,” Amy said.

“I’ll explain it all in a tic! Well, two tics! Might take longer than a couple of tics.” He turned back to River. “Wasn’t able to make a copy of the TARDIS. I’m sorry about that. Still, largest Library in the universe! Might have a manual or two stashed in here. Could make ourselves one!”

River arched an eyebrow. “Like you’re ever going to read the manual?”

“That’s why I have you, wife!” He tapped River’s nose and looped one around her, the other around Amy. “I have my wife, I have my Ponds, and we’re all going to go on an adventure! Geronimo!”


End file.
